I want to be inspirational.
Not to you. Not to any old arbitrary person just walking down the street. Not even to myself. I want to be inspirational to my son.
My son has a learning disorder known as Dysgraphia. This LD affects his physical ability to write. It is 100% neurological … simply put, a wire which is crossed in his brain making it very difficult for his right and left hemisphere’s to communicate in regards to writing. His brain does not recall automatically how to form the letters. He also is extremely bright, reading at a college level and understanding concepts far beyond his grade level. Combined the outcome is one extremely frustrated 5th grader. He is going to have to fight every day to make it through the education process.
I realize that my struggle with weight is not nearly as big of a hurdle as his dysgraphia is, but it IS my hurdle. It is something which has plagued me most of my life. At times, I have beaten it, but I have let up only to see it come from behind and pitch me onto my derriere all over again. My son has watched me battle … and he has seen me quit. I want to show him that no matter how many times you get knocked down, the important part is the getting back up. The important part is that you never stay down.
He is the most important person in my life. Yeah, yeah, my husband is pretty important as well … I love him with all of my heart. But my son? He is my heart, beating outside my chest. When he hurts, I hurt; when he feels he has failed, I feel his disappointment. When he laughs, his joy lifts my soul. I want him to someday say that his mom never gave up on him … OR HERSELF … and that I taught him that perseverance is the key to achieving your goals.
Certainly, it is a pride thing. I want my son to be proud of his mom. His dad … that’s easy. His dad was a US Marine, Special Forces, Sniper, Sgt, Major … retired after 27 years of service to his country, involved in everything from Beirut to Iraq and back. His dad is now a successful and respected business man. It’s easy to be proud of his dad. But I am just “mom”. My son doesn’t know me from before I gave up my career and personal goals in order to raise him. He never saw me perform in front of thousands. He only knows me as his mom, who is a fairly bad housekeeper, but a damned fine cook and party planner. I want him to also know me as someone who set a goal in front of her, and persevered until she conquered it … and then never gave up the good fight to maintain it.
I want him to know that what feels impossible is NOT. I want to be inspirational.