Much has happened in the months since we last spoke. However, there’s no time for that. What there IS time for is what has happened just TODAY.
I hired a personal trainer. Again.
So, some may know that in October of 2008 I began working with a wonderful woman named Maureen. She took me from tubby to nearly trim in about 10 months. Unfortunately, during that time, in April of 2009, my father was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and the world got tipped. Dad passed in August of ’09 and I went into a tailspin. I tried to stick with my fitness plans and stay on track with the diet, however mourning, depression, anger, confusion … all the above … got in the way of any success. The first of June, 2010, I decided I needed to officially take a break as the scale was not moving and I simply was not mentally able to do what I needed to do. One short week later … I broke my leg.
The past 4 years have been filled with a lot of ups and downs, some of which I have chronicled here. I literally sat in a chair and let my grief and depression consume me. Sure, I put on the proper face for public appearances, but the inside of me has been a wreck. This past winter was especially bad and quite honestly, it was work enough to keep breathing in and out. I give myself credit for coming out alive.
This past weekend, on Father’s Day, I turned 45 years old. For the most part, it is just a number. It is likely to be the mid-point of my life (women in my family live well into their 90’s, so there is every reason to believe I will as well) and it is also the point at which I get to start thinking about how I want the last 45 years of my life to be. Do I want them to be sedentary and filled with pills and possibly shots (insulin)? Would I rather be active, travel, healthy? If I want the latter rather than the former, I need to pull my brain up out of the chair and get busy.
So, I hired Nick today. I was very clear that with my goals, and pretty realistic, I think. I would like to lose between 80-90 lbs by next June and then I want to be in a place where I maintain that basic weight for the rest of forever. No more teeter-totter; no more roller coaster. No more backsliding. No more sitting (which rhymes with and could fairly be replaced with “quitting”.)
Nick will work with me one on one, once a week and provide me with a daily workout plan for the rest of the days of the week. I will keep a food journal which he will use to keep me accountable and guide me when I start to fall off plan. It’s tail kicking time and I am ready for a little kick. It’s been too long. I have used too many excuses. I am filled with trepidation. I am nervous and and oh-so-afraid of failure.
This is a much more public attempt than the last was. It’s my gym, with my people, not the huge YMCA where nobody knows my name. Maureen and I worked together over the phone (she was located in a different state than I was). She gave me workouts and I was on my own to achieve them. Nick will see me at the gym. He will work out with me and be able to truly gauge my success … or failure. I might as well stick a poster up on the gym wall that reads “Christina is TRYING to lose weight!” I can’t hide.
In my favor is the realization that I did do it on my own last time. It was up to me to accomplish the goals set before me by Maureen. Nobody was prodding me to get to the gym, no one would miss me if I didn’t show up. And I GOT IT DONE. So I know that I can do this, that I can have the motivation needed to be the “After” picture instead of always the “Before”.
I intend to write about my progress on my other blog, How I’ll Get There From Here. I will keep track of my food, bitch about my workouts and my aches and pains and (hopefully!) toot my triumphs. That’s the more appropriate place for the daily progress reports. However, I will still come back here to talk about regular stuff … and occasionally, I’m sure, bitch or dish about how the weight loss gig is going.
I hope you will read both and be my cheerleader. I guess if the entire gym gets to do it, it’s only fair that you get to Watch Me Melt as well.