NOT the body you have.
That has been my mantra the past few days. I am trying very hard to get back to a “Clean Eating” lifestyle. (Sans all wheat, of course). I was at my healthiest when I was treating my body as if it needed to be fueled like a fitness professional … not a pastry chef’s best taster. I “know” everything I am supposed to be doing. I plan accordingly. I am just not adhering religiously to that plan.
For example, last night I cooked a pot of clean, organic, delicious chili for supper. I prepared my serving … then I added some shredded cheddar. “Just a sprinkle … for taste …”. Then I added some more, because … well, it need more … *sigh* Then I finished eating. As I sat behind the computer, trying to prepare for the end of the day, I heard this tiny little voice in the kitchen. Me, being me, had to explore.
Lo, and behold! The tiny little voice was from the bucket of cheese puff balls my son wanted for his school lunches. “Eat me, eat me, eat ME!” they cried. So I did what anyone would do … I poured some in a container and proceeded to eat them.
(At least I was smart enough to parcel them out into a container and didn’t just drag the whole bucket into the family room with me!)
You know what is so sad? They aren’t even good. They leave this film in my mouth, kind of a nasty, fake cheese film, and they stick to the teeth and the roof of the mouth, and kind of burn. Like chemical waste. Didn’t stop me from finishing the bowl I had of them, of course. Even with the running commentary in my brain telling me “These really do kind of suck. Hey, you know this is going to freak out your gut right? Pain, diarrhea, hemorrhoids, possibly blood in the stool, did I say pain? You know these are not on the approved list of GF items. You know this is going to suck … DON’T YOU???”
So, why do I do it? Why do I undermine all of my hard work for something I don’t like, I don’t want, I definitely don’t need? Am I that afraid of my own success?
I am horrible at keeping a food journal. I just don’t want to think about it. So much work, weighing everything, writing it all down, keeping track of every nibble. But TODAY I will. Every bite goes in the book. Today, I will eat clean ALL DAY. (Kinda helps that I feel like cheese ball crapicola.) Today I will eat like the body I intend to have, not the one I currently reside in.
One day at a time …