Squash the Imp

When I do not write, it is almost guaranteed that I am not sticking to plan.  Just throwing that out there right now.

I wasn’t “awful” … but I most definitely was not doing the things I needed to be doing.  Some of it is at least explainable (sorry boys skip to the next paragraph if you are skeevish on woman talk) … I started my cycle on Tuesday.  I had these UNBELIEVABLE chocolate cravings … sugar cravings, really.  I wanted pastry, oh my gosh how much I wanted gooey, sweet Danish kringle goodness.  And I gave in.  This is bad for 2 reasons: 1) it completely went against my plan and sidetracked my goals and 2) I have very severe issues with Gluten. (I still have one test to get through for a final diagnosis of Celiac, but my doctor seems quite certain and advised me to treat it as such.)  Giving in to eating Danish Pastry is NOT helpful to my goals and plans at all.  And it makes my intestines bleed.  Yay howdy!

I am finally starting to feel a little better, but the set back takes months on my body.  I know this, it isn’t anything new, but still I am especially talented at undermining my own health.  It’s almost as if I want to fail.

It’s Monday.  I do well on Monday’s.  I am usually pretty good for 2 days at least.  This week, my goal is to double that (4 days!) and hopefully I can blow my own goal out of the water and string up a whole week of angelic goodness.

Food plan today is: 2 eggs with sauteed brussel sprouts, black coffee, yogurt snack, grilled chicken salad lunch, carrots/hummus snack, homemade potato soup for supper.

Moving on to slightly better information.  I competed in a kettlebell lifting tournament yesterday morning.  Kind of last minute decision.  Due to my shoulder being crap, I competed with a straight lift, the seated press.  This particular move is all strength and because the lift is from chest to overhead, no outward extension, my rotator cuff is not bothered by the movement.  With virtually no training or practice, I walked into that competition and blew out a personal best: 83 reps using the 12kg (approx 25 lbs) bell in 5 minutes, one arm switch.  (Meaning, I started with my left and completed 40 lifts, then switched to my right arm and completed 43, no setting the bell down.)  I kind of hate using the 12kg bell as it is significantly lighter than what I use for standing lifts such as the long cycle jerk or the snatch, but from seated and with little to no preparation, I’ve decided to be thrilled.

I only needed 60 reps to get a 1st place ranking.  So, yeah, kind of blew that goal out of the water.

Today, at the gym, I will be doing rack squats with Nick, along with boxing and 30 minutes of cardio, most likely waking on the incline and jogging lightly.  My lower back has been fussy, so rowing is probably not my best alternative.

I AM disappointed in myself.  I am trying really hard not to let that derail me.  I want to accept from myself that things happen and it is the getting back up, dusting myself off and starting over again that builds success.  I find that very difficult.  I find forgiving myself for my imperfections to be exceptionally difficult.  There are 2 people living inside this brain of mine; one who strives for and expects perfection, order and balance, and the other who insists upon disrupting everything the first me is working for.  An imp who delights in chaos and apparently torturing the body in which she lives in.  Eating badly physically HURTS me … you’d think that would be deterrent enough.

good evil imp

*Deep Sigh*

So, brushing myself off and starting afresh today.  Back on track, back on plan.  Squash the imp.

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