7 years ago I began a journey to get back in shape. I hired a trainer. We developed a daily workout regimen and a 3-day menu rotation. I grumbled (a lot), groaned (a lot) … but I committed myself 100% to that task. I made “getting in shape” my job. I even wrote about it (a LOT!) and used that blog journal as a place to lay it all on the floor. The good, the bad and the ugly.
I remember being commended by my trainer for my focus and drive. And I remember telling her to “just wait. It won’t last. It never does.”
Nobody knows us better than we know ourselves. Even when we lie to ourselves, there is still something deep down inside that says “Yeah, that’s not you. That’s not true and you can fool the whole world, but you will never fool me. Not really.”
I was right, of course. I remember my resolve flagging a little after 7 months. I was bored with the diet (tuna? ugh!), tired of being in pain all the time and frustrated with a much slower progress. The last pounds are the hardest to lose, after all. Then there was the brain tumor diagnosis of my father and all the months of sadness, mourning, anger, guilt that followed. I know I have discussed that whole situation in previous entries, but I can’t remember if I ever wrote where I was when I received the final, fateful phone call. I was on the elliptical trainer at my gym. The rest of my family was at my father’s bedside as he left this plane of existence … and I was working out.
Other things over the past 6 years have opened up a trunk full of excuses for me. Reasons to lower my standards, justifications for those lower standards. I’ve discussed them all far too much … and I have promised to restart too many times to count. I am not making any promises this time.
I am simply starting.
I like autumn as a season for renewal. Kids are returning to school, football is back on television. Trees begin their descent into deep winter’s rest. This Irish lass puts her head down and gets back to work on that health thing.
I need a place to bitch and moan about it, so I hope you won’t mind when I bare my soul here. I may or may not put my food and exercise journals here. Probably depends upon how much I have to say. If I writers block is kicking in, I am sure there will be a lot of boring stat stuff to look at.
I am tired of being this person. This sad, overweight, unhealthy, OLD person that I feel I have become. My insides are still young and fun, just with a lot of real life crap dragging things down. I want to throw off the depressed and redress as the living.
Alright then. I am starting. And in the interest of proof, I intended to offer, in closing, a photo of my refrigerator today, however at the moment the website is not allowing me to add any images. In the pic you would see 5 pre-made lunch salads for the week. I grab a jar, 3 oz of that days protein of choice (generally whatever is leftover from the previous nights supper) and 2 tbsp of homemade salad dressing … good to go! Tomorrow morning I will be making a weeks worth of egg “muffins” as well. A month of supper’s is planned out. But, alas, you must take my word for it, at the moment.
There really are no excuses left for me. Let’s do this.